Trigger warning: misgendering

I love the feeling of oversized
clothes:
in them I am formless–
floating in a fabric sky.

In tight clothes:
too aware
of myself,
of how strangers see me.

So I wear a dress, bringing
attention
to my curves
and suddenly
I hear everyone’s thoughts:

‘Girl!’ goes the gender-buzzer
in their heads–
‘Girl, girl,
girl.’

I don’t feel desirable in a skin-tight
frock, can’t move freely without
being aware
there are different
rules for dresses.

And I’m nervous in skirts
always pulling them down,
down,
careful not to show
too much skin.

Because I’m most confident in skin-tight
jeans,
button-ups with sleeves
rolled to elbows,
or a bold t-shirt
with a neckline that dips
just enough.

I love sitting with legs spread
wide,
leaning back in my chair
like a bird with
wings outstretched.

I love taking up
space.

It’s a relief
after making myself
small for so long.

I do not
stand out.
I am quiet
and withdrawn
and forgettable.

But in these clothes,
my clothes,
I fill up the sky.

About the author

Monty uses they/them pronouns and lives in rural Victoria. They’re a freelance writer and blogger who can’t stop talking about birds, mythology, and vampires.

Photo by Erik Witsoe on Unsplash.