How exciting! You’re changing your name!
Dance
I said dance! Gay for play for pay, queers for fears
We don’t want to see your tears, just some
smiley shiny GLITTER don’t be bitter don’t
don’t don’t task me with excitement
I stare at the stat decs (2)
and supporting statement (1)
I am allowed to do this because I haven’t
done it in the last twelve months
(and I’m not using vulgar descriptors)
I haven’t been bankrupt or arrested
There are defaults in my name
(I ticked ‘no’ but I don’t know what it means)
The right answers will get me
a new piece of paper, a bigger to do list
A difficult conversation with my mother
where I’ll tell her I’ve rejected
the first gift she gave me after she
gave me life, everything comes
back to my heart tugging toward hers
The way I would ask her always
What would you have named me
if I was a boy? Seeing if she would
trip up, answer differently
some time, saying sometimes you are
Banks, passport, doctor, FlyBuys,
my name on the kindergarten newsletter
NDIS (will I go on some list?)
Is there a premade list online I can trudge
through around and over?
I feel tiny and far away from all the places
I’ll need to clear my throat
and ask them to please change their records
of who I am and what they can say
when they call my name
Grief laced with a call to relentless
fucking bravery, I could sleep
for a decade and still not feel
rested from all this asks of me
daily, please don’t she at me
Excited? This is a quiet sigh
gently letting go of another
period of time (laced with reckoning)
a beckoning future (as myself) would be nice
quiet and new, safe … true
About the author
Jasper Peach is a trans, non-binary and disabled writer, speaker and parent. They are passionate about equitable access and inclusion, focused around the dismantling of misplaced shame via storytelling. Their written work has been published in The Age, HireUp, The Big Issue, Archer, The Guardian, Verandah, Australian Poetry Journal, ABC and SBS online.
With a background in Auslan interpreting, broadcasting and civil celebrancy, writing has continued their personal trend of being all about communication and community. Their first book, You’ll be a Wonderful Parent was published March 2023 by Hardie Grant and is a celebration of rainbow families of all kinds.
#EnbyLife 